I thought that I was strong

[Verse One]
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially

[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you

[Chorus]

[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you

[Chorus]

It official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you

My Dream

Last night I had a nightmare not a dream. Most of the people that know me do not know that July,2000 I was given 3 weeks to live. I died twice in 3 months. After I survived my hospital stay of 6 months I decided I wanted to enjoy everything about my life. I wanted to build memories with my kids and I wanted to experience true happiness in my relationship. I wanted to leave something behind for my kids and I wanted to be able to reach out to a lot of people and help them and be there support.

I have accomplished a lot since 2000 towards my goal. I have tried to repair my relationship with my brother and sisters and to be honest I don"t know how I feel about those relationships. I have rebuilt my relationships with my kids. I have Margo in my life and she is the sister that I never had in my life. The one thing that I have not accomplished is that long lasting loving relationship. Before I die I desire to be remarried and have a healthy loving relationship. I feel that I found my soulmate, my bestfriend and the love of my life but things ended with us. Last night I had a dream that I died and the one person that I wanted by my side was not with me and my kids did not call him to tell him. In the dream, I text him a message and I email him to let him know how I felt. I told him what he meant to me and where he still stood in my life. The last thing I told him was that I loved him and I would die loving him and no one could change the way I felt. I never woke up from going to sleep that night.

I woke up determined that I did not want to die that way and I want him in my life everyday. I am a severe diabetic without a pancreas (only 5% and it does not work), my diabetics is out of control. I now have high blood pressure. There is a lot I have not done that I want to do before I die. I want to see my kids be successful in their lives and I want to see all the people that mean alot to me be experience happiness. I feel I am living on borrow time and I know that my condition is causing a lot of problems to my other internal organs. All I know is that I have to make it right and no matter how anyone else feels I want to spent the rest of days I have left with him and him only.