I thought they were my feelings

The one thing I hate more than anything is when someone tries to tell me how I feel and what I want. It is very frustrating to be misunderstood. I want love and understanding and I want a real man in my life. I have been on my own since I was 17 and to make sure I never fell on my face I was always in the position to control my life. This does not mean that if the right person comes into my life that I could not release control for him to be the head of our household. The one thing about me is when I love I love hard. I don't fall in love easy and when I do it takes a lot for me to fall out of love. I think I just need a break sometimes........

Many different feelings

I turned 44 last week and it feels good. I like where I am in life but I am looking forward to my life after TJ graduates. Everyday is something new with the boys but it is a challenge for me. I was always told that you appreciate things more when you do it yourself. I guess it is true. I am glad that I am teaching the boys about managing and sacrificing. I have a lot on my shoulders and sometimes I do just cry when I am alone. I don't like to show the kids especially the boys when I am having a bad day. I can get us through this and when it is all over the bond between us will be even stronger. If I give them all of me that will understand how to give all of themselves to a woman in there life when they in a serious relationship. I tried to teach them about the choices they make in life and how to handle unfair situations in their life. Failure is not a option and I only can teach them from my experiences. I am not a man and I can't teach them to be a man but I can teach them the listens my father thought me. I take the good from the men around me and that is what I teach them. The recruiting process is overwhelming but thanks to ppl close to me and the website I paid for I am learning a lot. Education about things you don't know goes a long way.

My personal life is another story. There is someone in my life that I respect and love a lot but I must admit that being in two different states is hard. I get lonely and I want to just be under him but it is not possible right now. I realize how much I miss having a day to day relationship with someone special in my life. I get conversation everyday but I can not wait until I can wake up and cook him breakfast in bed, cuddle all day, hang out and go to events, just enjoy each other all day everyday. It has been a adjustment for me to be back in a relationship but the real adjustment will happen being in the same city. I am good with it now because I am not dealing with any baggage from my past. I have given myself time to heal and it is a good feeling.