You have to Sacrifice sometimes

Sometimes I have to refocus and realize why I make the choices I make in my personal life. They are just that for me. I was married for 15 years so I know the time and dedication it takes to make a great relationship work. Right now with me trying to complete my degree and get my company stable and master this management position I really dont have the time to focus on a relationship.  Do I miss spending time and hanging out with someone ? Yes I do. Do I miss waking up in the middle of the night and looking next to me and seeing someone next to me? Yes I do. Do I miss laughing and talking to someone who is only interested in making me happy no matter what it takes? Yes I do. Do I miss having someone to come to every night? Yes I do.

Put right now , I have to focus on me. I have to finally finish what I started. I can't be concern about what someone else wants when it comes to my life. I cant be concern if they dont like the decisions I am making to make myself a better person. I work full-time and go to school fulltime and still run my company.
I dont have time to be put in a position to choose between doing my homework and studying or spending time with someone. I can't be out in the street late nights when i only get 4 hours a sleep already. The person that will love me will give me this space and time I need right now to focus on me. They wont interfere in me becoming a better person.

This year is about taking control of my life and completing my goals and dreams so I can be a better me for the husband God has waiting for me.

I made it through my first week of requirements.  I went to my seminar and got my bluebook. Made my appointment for my psychological evaluation, starting my 6 months supervised diet plan, started Get Healthy Challenge with my Co-workers. I have to start making time for exercise.  I started my process weight in at 200 pounds. My goal is 125.
This year is about regaining my life back from the beginning.  Not starting near the end but a true restart. Everything around me has to change. My mental,emotional,physical,financial  and spiritual.  #totaltransformation

#stayingfocus #gethealthy

My last round of HCG Round 4 phase 2

THIS WAS A UNPUBLISHED POST FROM OCT 2014

It has been a long 31 days but I have learn alot about eating and stalls. My blood sugars and blood pressure improved alot. I am looking forward to phase 3. I am in a good state of mind and getting healthy is my goal this year. I started my year with some high goals I set for myself. I am on target with all of them. I had some setbacks and disappointments since I moved to Michigan. After 2 years I am finally stable. This was a hard relocation compared to the rest.  I truly believe that when ppl do not try to hold me back and when ppl allow me to just be me that is when I soar like the Eagle that God made me. If I am giving the opportunity I will never let you down . If it something in my life that I want bad enough then I will stand and fight for it. If it doesn't mean anything to me I will walk away and never look back. I am the type of person that is hard to get close to but if I let you in and I fall in love with you . I love hard and I will try to show and teach you how to love me. But like Lyfe Jennings says you have to treat me like college. You have to learn me to understand me. I don't trust everyone but the ones I do trust I will give my last dime to and do everything in my reach and ability to make them happy.

This is just me and my life. One day the man that I love with all my heart will believe me and embrace it.

My first seminar for my weightloss surgery

My emotions are all over the place this morning about going and the surgery. I talk to Stacy, Dimples,Margo and Pat because they have done it before and they have been very supportive. It is the three closest to me and my sisters and brothers that don't  feel I need to do this. I am not doing this to get a man or catch a man or because a man told me I needed to do it. I am doing this because I have been fighting this battle since I was a kid and I finally want a solution that will be permanent. I want a real opportunity to fix this problem. The way I view it is I started with a disadvantage and everytime I try to fix it I run into this thing call setpoint that kicks my butt. Every plan, every diet, every workout gets me to 170 to 178 from my highest 280 to my next highest 220 and then everything stops and no matter what I do I will not start the lost over but i get stuck in the 190's. I am only 5'1. I don't want to be 115 pounds but can i get to a healthy body fat of around 25% . Right now 79 pounds of me is fat. Lets make it 80. I want to lost at least 50 pounds. If i can get to 135 or 140 I feel my blood pressure will be normal, my blood sugar would be under better control and just maybe I won't snore anymore. My clothes might fit better and maybe I will add more years to my life. I understand everyone that is around me fears but they dont wake up tired and they dont deal with my high blood pressure or my diabetes.  All they see is the smile I show the world. My health is my priority this year. I even decided to try the insulin pump. I have fought it for 14 years but i am just trying to finally take the time to take care of myself because my whole life I have been taken care of others.

I wanted someone to go with me today but my sister didnt answer her phone yesterday and he would never go with me so I didnt even ask. So I guess it is me and my God today because he is that kind of friend and he never leaves me alone. 

I have to start somewhere to make a change in my situation.  If you keep doing the same things and let fear keep you in jail and you will stay locked up. I see the keys on the table of my cell. I have to see if one of the fit to unlock the door for me.

Pray with me and for me to allow God to lead my decisons on this process. God has never let me down before.

My first 5k

Yesterday I decided that I wanted to see if I selected the option on my treadmill for 5k if I could do it. I thought a 5k was 3.1 miles but my treadmill started at 5 miles so I don't understand.  I have to do more research. I know I do a 18 to 20 min mile and it took 60 mins and that would be 5 miles. We made a family plan to work on our health this year so I am excited. I want to start working out at least 5 days a week but i have to start working out before work because school is starting on the 12th and I don't know what the homework load will be like this semester. I also need to increase my calories to lose weight. I want to do HCG again but I have to get my finances back on track. My insulin pump is being ordered and that and my dexcom device will also be another change in my life.  It feels good to focus on me and I have to stay on task. All my life I have focus on everyone around me. So I have sacrifice my personal life to do it but it will only make me a better person.

I lost some ppl in my life 2014 that had been friends for a long time but when I ask God to remove ppl from my life I have to accept it when he does and go forward. I wish them well in their lives. I am keeping my inner circle small and stressfree.

I made some great changes in Sniper Squad in 2014. I left DJs United and named a new VP and East Coast Regional Director. I brought my daughter into the company and started my management company back but I have to see what I really want to do with it because it isn't making me money yet.

I applied for graduation on Friday. I have to payoff uop to transfer my last hours other and I have 6 hours left for my Marketing Degree. I make check with UOP for my BS or I may stop after these degrees.

I am starting this year focused on me!

My battle with weight

Since I was 8 or 9 I have been overweight
My mom didnt believe in me going outside to play after we moved to Monroe. So my life became eating unhealthy and no exercise. I was always teased by the kids at school and that was hard. My senior year I decided to go into the Air Force and I had to get down to 135. My brother help me and I did it but my dad talked me out of it. Every since then the lowest i have been able to get down to is 160. I lose and regain ;it is so hard. I just need to finally get to a healthy weight because it will help everything related to my health.

I start the process for my weightloss surgery this week. My insurance will cover everything. I bmi is 36 and i need to be around 24. My first call is on the 19th. I have to meet with the nutritionist once a month and have a psch eval. I decided to have the sleeve procedure done after researching all the procedures.

2015 will be the biggest year of my life. I finish both of my degrees Management and Marketing, my surgery,  my company growth and two family reunions.

There is only two other things that will make my life complete and there is nothing I can do to make either happen on my time.