This is about me regaining my life after divorce. Experiencing standing on my own feet, dealing with raising my kids,dating, relationships, my life in the industry and Life
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
I thought that I was strong
[Verse One]
All I hear is raindrops
Falling on the rooftop
Oh baby tell me why’d you have to go
Cause this pain I feel
It wont go away
And today I’m officially missing you
I thought that from this heartache
I could escape
But I fronted long enough to know
There ain’t no way
And today
I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
Oh can’t nobody do it like you
Said every little thing you do
Hey baby say it stays on my mind
And I, I’m officially
[Verse Two]
All I do is lay around
Two ears full tears
From looking at your face on the wall
Just a week ago you were my baby
Now I don’t even know you at all
I don’t know you at all
Well I wish that you would call me right now
So that I could get through to you somehow
But I guess it’s safe to say baby safe to say
That I’m officially missing you
[Chorus]
[Bridge]
Well I thought I could just get over you baby
But I see that’s something I just can’t do
From the way you would hold me
To the sweet things you told me
I just can’t find a way
To let go of you
[Chorus]
It official
You know that I’m missing you
Yeah yes
All I hear is raindrops
And I’m officially missing you
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
My Dream
Last night I had a nightmare not a dream. Most of the people that know me do not know that July,2000 I was given 3 weeks to live. I died twice in 3 months. After I survived my hospital stay of 6 months I decided I wanted to enjoy everything about my life. I wanted to build memories with my kids and I wanted to experience true happiness in my relationship. I wanted to leave something behind for my kids and I wanted to be able to reach out to a lot of people and help them and be there support.
I have accomplished a lot since 2000 towards my goal. I have tried to repair my relationship with my brother and sisters and to be honest I don"t know how I feel about those relationships. I have rebuilt my relationships with my kids. I have Margo in my life and she is the sister that I never had in my life. The one thing that I have not accomplished is that long lasting loving relationship. Before I die I desire to be remarried and have a healthy loving relationship. I feel that I found my soulmate, my bestfriend and the love of my life but things ended with us. Last night I had a dream that I died and the one person that I wanted by my side was not with me and my kids did not call him to tell him. In the dream, I text him a message and I email him to let him know how I felt. I told him what he meant to me and where he still stood in my life. The last thing I told him was that I loved him and I would die loving him and no one could change the way I felt. I never woke up from going to sleep that night.
I woke up determined that I did not want to die that way and I want him in my life everyday. I am a severe diabetic without a pancreas (only 5% and it does not work), my diabetics is out of control. I now have high blood pressure. There is a lot I have not done that I want to do before I die. I want to see my kids be successful in their lives and I want to see all the people that mean alot to me be experience happiness. I feel I am living on borrow time and I know that my condition is causing a lot of problems to my other internal organs. All I know is that I have to make it right and no matter how anyone else feels I want to spent the rest of days I have left with him and him only.
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