My Dream

Last night I had a nightmare not a dream. Most of the people that know me do not know that July,2000 I was given 3 weeks to live. I died twice in 3 months. After I survived my hospital stay of 6 months I decided I wanted to enjoy everything about my life. I wanted to build memories with my kids and I wanted to experience true happiness in my relationship. I wanted to leave something behind for my kids and I wanted to be able to reach out to a lot of people and help them and be there support.

I have accomplished a lot since 2000 towards my goal. I have tried to repair my relationship with my brother and sisters and to be honest I don"t know how I feel about those relationships. I have rebuilt my relationships with my kids. I have Margo in my life and she is the sister that I never had in my life. The one thing that I have not accomplished is that long lasting loving relationship. Before I die I desire to be remarried and have a healthy loving relationship. I feel that I found my soulmate, my bestfriend and the love of my life but things ended with us. Last night I had a dream that I died and the one person that I wanted by my side was not with me and my kids did not call him to tell him. In the dream, I text him a message and I email him to let him know how I felt. I told him what he meant to me and where he still stood in my life. The last thing I told him was that I loved him and I would die loving him and no one could change the way I felt. I never woke up from going to sleep that night.

I woke up determined that I did not want to die that way and I want him in my life everyday. I am a severe diabetic without a pancreas (only 5% and it does not work), my diabetics is out of control. I now have high blood pressure. There is a lot I have not done that I want to do before I die. I want to see my kids be successful in their lives and I want to see all the people that mean alot to me be experience happiness. I feel I am living on borrow time and I know that my condition is causing a lot of problems to my other internal organs. All I know is that I have to make it right and no matter how anyone else feels I want to spent the rest of days I have left with him and him only.