Who Gets to Decide

I have been doing alot of soul searching lately. It is sad that I had to see myself on the Young and the Restless before I realized that I was the person on TV. The picture to the left is a picture of me the day I admitted I was in love. I was on webcam playing with my boyfriend. That was one of the scariest day of my life because I promise myself that I did not want to go there for a long time because I did not want to get hurt again.

I have a lot of questions like who gets to decide who we love? Why do we hurt ourselves by trying to hide who we love to please other people? Love is not easy and in love there will be ups and downs. Everything will not be a perfect picture. You will cry, you will be hurt, you will disagree and you may even break up. But I have found out that when your foundation is love and it is real that you can work things out. Sometimes we make the mistake of talking to our friends for advice about our relationships but we don't look at there relationships. I have also realized that my friends can not heal my heart. I have to do what is best for me and I have to think myself and what makes me happy. If they are my real friends and they truly love me they will support my decision.

I have cried myself to sleep too many nights. I have picked up the phone too many times just to hang it up . I have tried to replace you with others and it did not work. I have tried to move on with my life without you. The hardest time for me was when we had no contact at all. I have to do what is right for me and I have to follow my heart. It is hard to move on to another relationship when someone else has the key to your heart. I have decided that no matter what I go thru this is my decision and I feel I owe it to myself to find out if this love has what it takes.