Confessions

I must confess that the idea of having someone in my life that I have to see on a daily basis scares me a lot. I did that for 16 years of my life and the thought of doing it again scares me. I have gotten use to living alone and being independent and not depending on a man to do anything for me. I must confess that there are some things I miss about having a companion close to me but for the most part , I am good. I have learn to love from a distance and accept love from a distance. I guess just to know that there is someone out there in the world that loves me is sometime enough. I feel when men get close to you and spend alot of time around you that they learn your weakness and use it against you. Long Distance relationships allows you to hide your soft spots and still keep your wall up to protect yourself. For me it is easiler for me to hold my ground if I am not looking in his eyes. I can hide my hurt and pain I feel from him if I don't allow him to look in my eyes or see my facial expressions. I want so bad to get pass the point of running from love. I guess when I feel secure enough to let my guard down that I will stop running and embrace love. I know that deep down I want to get remarried but I have to get pass the hard parts first for that to happen. I bury myself into my work, my kids and the lives of my djs and artist so that I do not have to deal with my own life.