Another Year as Past By

2018 was a long year for me. My career is on a new level and so is my life. My daughter moved here with me and is also working with me. I got to cross some things off my list. I got to swim with the Dolphins.

TJ found the love of his life in 2018. Her name is Brooke and I really like her a lot.

I got to experience Florida twice in one year. Orlando is where we left to go to the Bahamas and for Christmas we went to Cape Coral, Florida . I learned how to balance work and going home to Detroit 

to visit the other part of my top 3. I 

hired my dream team and it is very exciting. Oh I am got my wheels jack on my rental in Detroit. Never been bricked before.

HCG Round 5 P2D3

We started HCG again and I am happy about that happening. It is better when he does it with me because that means I am not tempted to eat bad. I started at 214 and today I am 211.7 . 2.3 total weigh lost and 1.7 was fat. That ending I was talking about didnt end up being a ending. I can't let go.

Another Ending

I have experienced many endings in my life and like all endings you try to prepare for them. Yesterday I had another ending after 9 years and it feels like the ending of July 2004. It was not as bad as the ending in 2009 but I promised myself I would never allow myself to feel hurt like that again. In 2015, I finally let someone new into my life and realized the things I was missing in my life. I had learn to put distance between me and the person I was involved with since the bad relationship that ended in 2005. Everything since then has been on my terms. I avoided spending too much time with anyone.

There was one that brought down my walls but he could never make it to the other side of road of being in a publicly commited relationship.We shared many things couple shared and the chemistry between us was amazing but I wanted it all and if he did he could never admit it.

For me to move forward in my life, I have to let go completely.  I learned alot in 2015 about myself and what I want and expect. I have to stop holding on to someone that is not holding on to me. I have to look out for myself and stop holding on to ppl not looking out for me. I don't think I will ever stop loving him but I will just take the memories smile and give the new opportunities a chance. I was always told a man knows what he wants and it doesn't take years for him to know.

2016 is about a mutual loving relationship that ends at the alter. It is time for me to have it all.

My first seminar for my weightloss surgery

My emotions are all over the place this morning about going and the surgery. I talk to Stacy, Dimples,Margo and Pat because they have done it before and they have been very supportive. It is the three closest to me and my sisters and brothers that don't  feel I need to do this. I am not doing this to get a man or catch a man or because a man told me I needed to do it. I am doing this because I have been fighting this battle since I was a kid and I finally want a solution that will be permanent. I want a real opportunity to fix this problem. The way I view it is I started with a disadvantage and everytime I try to fix it I run into this thing call setpoint that kicks my butt. Every plan, every diet, every workout gets me to 170 to 178 from my highest 280 to my next highest 220 and then everything stops and no matter what I do I will not start the lost over but i get stuck in the 190's. I am only 5'1. I don't want to be 115 pounds but can i get to a healthy body fat of around 25% . Right now 79 pounds of me is fat. Lets make it 80. I want to lost at least 50 pounds. If i can get to 135 or 140 I feel my blood pressure will be normal, my blood sugar would be under better control and just maybe I won't snore anymore. My clothes might fit better and maybe I will add more years to my life. I understand everyone that is around me fears but they dont wake up tired and they dont deal with my high blood pressure or my diabetes.  All they see is the smile I show the world. My health is my priority this year. I even decided to try the insulin pump. I have fought it for 14 years but i am just trying to finally take the time to take care of myself because my whole life I have been taken care of others.

I wanted someone to go with me today but my sister didnt answer her phone yesterday and he would never go with me so I didnt even ask. So I guess it is me and my God today because he is that kind of friend and he never leaves me alone. 

I have to start somewhere to make a change in my situation.  If you keep doing the same things and let fear keep you in jail and you will stay locked up. I see the keys on the table of my cell. I have to see if one of the fit to unlock the door for me.

Pray with me and for me to allow God to lead my decisons on this process. God has never let me down before.

Unspoken Words

There are so many things that I feel in my heart and think in my head but I can not form the words to come out my mouth. If I could only scream to the top of my lungs until I cant scream anymore. Many people just want to cry but I don't. I smile when I think about what makes me happy. I smile all the time because what is in my head is worth smiling about. I went through a time in my life that I cried a lot and I went through a time that I believed there was no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I stayed in prayer when I wanted to give up and God answered my prayers and told me to be patient. When my friends thought I should walk away and put my back against the wall. I listened to my heart and just learned to let go and Let God. Everything doesnt happen over night and I just have remind myself some words just have to be unspoken. ..#SOOC

Excitement, Stress and New Adventures

There is a lot going on in my life and I would not change it for the world. I am in my last semester of school for my Management Degree. I have a great job at Centurylink in Management, I am back into Artist Management with my own company Sniper Squad Management and I still have Sniper Squad DJs. I have maintain within 5 pounds my weight loss and getting ready to start again. I fired my diabetic doctor because he was not willing to try new technology methods to help me maintain my blood sugars. I am going to Joslin Diabetic Center starting next month. I attempted to go to my son's football game in Missouri and ended up with two busted tires and bent rims in Galesburg, Illinois. God kept me safe and got me home safe. I got to see my oldest brother for the first time in 4 years and it was a lot of fun. The other things in my life are great and I am happy, Everything is just one day at a time and I can deal with that for now. My kids are doing great and I can't wait to see them. Starting next week I start back on my HCG because I had to give my body a break. I won't miss the carbs. I remember being in Houston living with Jamel and he would listen to all the Houston rappers. It is funny to be now because I am working with those Houston Rappers now on a professional level. My artist Rev City has just signed his label to Lil Flip's label so now I am working with Lil Flip. I am trying to learn how to communicate with him so we make this business side flow easy. I have lost a few new friends at work because they moved out of state. I have also made some new friends. Me and Diana talk more now and she is pretty cool. I do miss my girls and try to call them at least once every 2 to 3 weeks. My team at work is awesome and I love them to death. They work hard and I don't have to babysit them or micromanage them. They make my job so much easier. Well I have to go now. Oh! before I leave. I want to give a shoutout to my Phamlife Muzik family! Rev City, Derek Kelley, Charles Hines, KillerKev, EM the producer and EM the Band...Let's make money !!

Just Feeling Bad Ass Today

Always with a Attitude

But always with a smile

Bonita vs Peaches

I was walking last night and listening to Beyonce's album and I starting laughing because I feel all women should have a alter ego. I like Beyonce have a alter ego called Peaches but she only appears for one person. I think women get it confused and bring out the alter ego for every man they meet and that is not wise. Women are taught to be reserved and never talk about sex and the ones that do talk about ,,well just say get look at a different way. I feel professional woman need to understand that at work we are professional and we are suppose to be professional but when we get home it is about the man in our life rather it is a lover, boyfriend or husband. It is called balancing work and home. We spend time being mom, being a employee, being a boss but some women forget how to be a woman. I had to learn to put my cell phone down and give the person in my life my undivided attention. Women all I will tell you is explore life, love and relationships but be safe and only show that alter ego to one person! Enjoy being a woman just like men enjoy being men! It is a physical part of life and God created us to enjoy it. It has many health benefits and you should research it. You shouldn't share with everyone you meet and everyone you meet doesn't deserve to share in that part of your life. But when you find that person that you do allow your alter ego to reveal themselves believe me life will be awesome and you will always have a smile like I do.

P.S.
Everyone does not have to know who it is but believe me they will notice in your walk, talk and smile that someone knows your alter ego!

Day 36 on HCG Protocol

Hcg day 36: http://youtu.be/oz4pFjrTZBI

Ending Round 1 Phase 2 and down 21 pounds. I lost pounds and inches. Preparing to hit the road for work, transition to phase 3, re branding of Sniper Squad , and TJ and Sakyi coming home.

Been really emotional the last few days and I don't like that and be glad when it passes.

A Apple Day for me on Easter! HCG Diet

I have been stuck at 192.5 for 4 days. My water weight is up. So today I will only eat 6 apples. My inches are still reducing. I haven't had a bowel movement in 4 days either. So after a apple day both things should be okay and tomorrow I should see a lost on the scales. I am ready to start working out. I need something else that I haven't had in 10 days also then I will really be good.. School is almost over and I am taking a break until the fall. I get to travel this summer and enjoy myself and just lose weigh

DAY 27 AND 19 POUNDS DOWN

I had a great weekend in St. Louis. I took all my food with me and I never cheated on my diet. I had some stalls but I am losing inches. I have lost 5.5 inches in my waist and 3 inches from my bust, arms, hips and thighs. I went to plum market and I found Walden Farms salad dressing, it is calorie free, no sugar, no carbs and gassini and I had to get more Braggs Amino to go with my Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar. I precooked food for the week. I did curry chicken, Cajun chicken , lemon chicken and ground beef.

Emotions all over the place

This was a untitled unpublished post from 5/2014

I have been divorced since 2005 and I had a couple of relationships since then but none of them like my marriage. I was married for 15 years and everyday I was married i know without a doubt my husband loved me even when I filed for a divorce. I knew I came first in his life and everyone that knew him also knew this fact. I have not had this since then and sometimes I miss it. Sometimes I even miss somethings about the relationship I had after marriage. He did a lot of things for me that made me feel special. Since I came into the music industry I have not been able to have a open public relationship and sometimes that is hard. I woke up and realized that I have lived alone since I put my ex-boyfriend out Nov 5th 2005. My life is busy and I don't have alot of free time but to be honest I guess I don't know what I want anymore. I think the hardest part for me now is to know that  I have feelings that never express anymore. One day I will be able to express how I feel and one day I will be able to scream it from the top of the tallest building and post it for the whole world to see.  For now I focus on me and doing the things to make myself a better me!

Love Lessons Learned

I was talking to my best friend and she has come to the conclusion that I have it bad. She has been knowing me since I was 17 and she said she has only seem me this way twice. I have to admit it that for years I have wanted so bad to feel the way I do today. My divorce was final in 2005 and I have tried a couple of relationships since then one of them I taught would end in marriage but I am so glad that  I didnt make that mistake. I did the marriage thing for 15 years before and I ended it because I still was not in love with him the way he loved me and I did not feel myself growing personally. I have always said that I desire to get remarried. I had people to tell me at our age we shouldn't get remarried just have a life companion. It is something about the unity of marriage that I want in my life. I know it is only a piece of paper but to God it is so much more. If you have follow my blogs then you know that I was in love a few years back and it took me a long time to let go and move on with my life. After I let go , I wanted love but was afraid of letting someone new get to know me. I had a list of things I didn't want in a man. I didn't realize that I had been emotionally and mentally attached to someone else for awhile. I didn''t realize that until he gave me the silent treatment and I did not talk to him in over a week. I felt my whole world had been taking away from me. Then I tried to run from it and I have always been good at that one, I run if I think I will get hurt or have problems that I can not deal with. When I try to run now he always plants my feet back on solid ground and I am okay. I have tried to run but he is always in the middle street answering where am i going. I love him and I will admit it. I want to spend the rest of my life with him..

Everything New in Detroit!

Living In Detroit

Moving to Detroit has been quite an experience for me. This is the first time since 1996 that I have ever lived this close to so much family. I lived near family when I lived in Los Angeles and that was cool. I put my trust in God on this move and it has not been easy but he has always brought me through. I have meet some great people since I moved here in the Entertainment Industry. I meet a great business partner Anthony E Thompson II. He came in to help me with Branding my company and we have become great friends as well. He assisted me in creating my management company and I also setup my radio station. Everything that I do does not replace the emptiness of my kids not being with me on the daily basis but I try to stay busy. I love my careers. Yes, I said careers because I have two of them. In the day , I am Bonita the Lan Administrator for a large energy company and by night I am Adorable P, CEO of Sniper Squad DJs, CEO of Sniper Squad Management and Program Director of Sniper Squad Radio. This two careers I do for the love and passion. I can actually say that I love my jobs and the work I do. I love meeting new people and both careers give me that option.

My goals for this year I have reached 96% of them and it is time to set the bar for next year. I now manage Komatoze, Rev City, Frank Fisher, Greg Davis , Tony Frost and DJ Eclipse. I am looking to sign two girl groups, a production team, a female hip hop artist and a producer before the end of the year. I try to make my decisions based on what I can do for them and not what they can do for me.

Well this is "B Serious", Love , Life and Relationships! The love thing for me ...I will discuss later..

I will update you next week on the new developments in my life and business! Have a great day

Unbelievable changes in 2012

This post was a unpublished post from 2012

I decided my themes for 2012 is that everything is possible, not to do anything that does not make me happy, love someone that truly loves me return, embrace my family and friends, and take my company to the next level. When you pray for something for some long you have to believe that God will deliver.

I reunited with a old college friend and decided to give relationship a try and it was good but something unexpected happened to end the relationship but not the friendship.My daughter also got married and moved back to Monroe.

My son signed his letter of intent for football with University of Saint Mary in Leavensworth , KS. He is following in my footsteps and majoring in Computer Information Systems. My godsons also signed on signing day and will go to Lincoln University and SMU

 I have look for my son's father for 23 years and I thought that I would never find him. I was so in love with him when I left him 1989 but I let the fear of my father come before everything that was important to me at that time. I dropped out of college ran off from the man I was so in love with pregnant  with his child because I thought it was the best thing for all of us but I never told him I was carrying his child. Only a few ppl knew but our friends close to us had an idea. He did find out but it was after I left. I was so worried but my father finding out that hide it from everyone. The end result was not good and  my son Lil Malcolm died at birth. I made it my mission that I would find his father to tell him the truth and let him know what happen and I search for him for 23 years.  I ended up going to one of my bestfriend's wedding  and ran into my son's fathers old roommates and homeboys at the wedding and within me being in Chicago for 24 hours I found him. I also met my first cousin Dee and her family and that was so awesome.

I always dream about what it would be like when I found him, what I would say, how I would explain my actions. I always thought we both would be happily married to other ppl. I would be able to tell him what happen and walk away and go back to my life. That was exactly what I said it was " a dream". My life was turned upside down when I found him but things are now settling down for me now again

I made my move to Detroit the last weekend in April. Everything is right on schedule with the move. I have a good job and moved over last weekend and started work last Monday morning. I left my co-workers and friends back at Exxon for my new job at DTE Energy in Detroit.

I miss my kids a lot and can not wait until the end of the month to go get him. 

Many different feelings

I turned 44 last week and it feels good. I like where I am in life but I am looking forward to my life after TJ graduates. Everyday is something new with the boys but it is a challenge for me. I was always told that you appreciate things more when you do it yourself. I guess it is true. I am glad that I am teaching the boys about managing and sacrificing. I have a lot on my shoulders and sometimes I do just cry when I am alone. I don't like to show the kids especially the boys when I am having a bad day. I can get us through this and when it is all over the bond between us will be even stronger. If I give them all of me that will understand how to give all of themselves to a woman in there life when they in a serious relationship. I tried to teach them about the choices they make in life and how to handle unfair situations in their life. Failure is not a option and I only can teach them from my experiences. I am not a man and I can't teach them to be a man but I can teach them the listens my father thought me. I take the good from the men around me and that is what I teach them. The recruiting process is overwhelming but thanks to ppl close to me and the website I paid for I am learning a lot. Education about things you don't know goes a long way.

My personal life is another story. There is someone in my life that I respect and love a lot but I must admit that being in two different states is hard. I get lonely and I want to just be under him but it is not possible right now. I realize how much I miss having a day to day relationship with someone special in my life. I get conversation everyday but I can not wait until I can wake up and cook him breakfast in bed, cuddle all day, hang out and go to events, just enjoy each other all day everyday. It has been a adjustment for me to be back in a relationship but the real adjustment will happen being in the same city. I am good with it now because I am not dealing with any baggage from my past. I have given myself time to heal and it is a good feeling.

A New Direction ! From California to Michigan

                                                       

 Living in Jersey with a Michigan Hoodie!

It has been awhile since I blogged and a lot has happen since my trip to Detroit. I found out some important things on that trip that changed the course of my life. I was with my Aunt and Cousins for the first time without my parents around but every house that I went to had my parents presents. I saw my great uncle and older cousins that were my babysitters when I growing up and all my younger cousins that I use to babysit when they came down south. I realized how much I miss living around my family. I took a lot of pictures, look at a lot of old pictures and just enjoyed my family being around me. The only other time that I have had a lot of my family around was when I lived in LA. Most of my cousins around my age have left LA because of how expensive it is to live there. My plan was to move back to LA in the summer after TJ graduated and just do me and run my company. After my trip to Detroit, I decided on a new destination. I finally got a chance to meet my best friend face to face after five years of daily conversations. He has help me thru a lot in the past 3 1/2 years. I got to go sight seeing and around Detroit but the one place I didn't want to go was to my grandparents old neighborhood. I didn't see Trey this time but with the move I know I will see him a lot. Trey has been around since 2002 and he is not going anywhere.

                                                                         My Baby Boy! T.J

Football season for T.J was exciting this year with him being on varsity. Every week was a roller coaster in my house with the boys. Yes, I said boys. Dontrell is still with me and has really became like part of my family. I think if his mom ever said he had to leave I would be sad. They started off slow with some major losses but ended up going to the playoffs. I found this website that help me get T.J look at by major colleges for a football scholarships. He has been giving a scholarship to go to college in Kansas and he also has a opportunity the Reg open for him in Missouri. I hope to keep him and Dontrell together for school so they will have each other. T.J was nominated for homecoming court and I believe he did win but after a black female won homecoming queen it was no way that the school was going to let it go down in history like that but he was good with it. It was amazing to see how much my son is like me. He is a leader like mom and not a follower. He has my personality and I fun to just sit back and watch him in action. I feel I have done a great job in raising him not because I say so but because that is the feedback I get from everyone that comes in contact with him and they tell me I that I have done a good job. I feel my parents especially my dad had a lot to do with it because he was my role model of what a man is suppose to be like and that is what I thought my son. So right now it is between University of Saint Mary's and Lincoln University in Missouri for school. We still have the second half of his senior year to go but the first half was so exciting for both of us. Albert came back to the states and he was also here to support T.J and Dontrell at the games with me.

                                         Took T.J and Dontrell on a College Visit to Grambling

Now for Sakyi. She had scheduled her wedding for October and I was upset because I always dream that she would have a real wedding. I have realized that it is not the wedding that is in important but the marriage. I am excited that she has found someone that loves her as much as she loves him and they work things out together. They are not married yet but they live life like they are just in two different houses. She found the diet and fell in love with it and lost over 60 pounds. I am excited about that because I was concerned about her weight and her health. She has learned to eat better and workout now so I am so happy about that now to get her back in school.

                                                                    My Baby Girl! At Then

                                                     After losing 62 pounds in 4 months

I celebrated my last pre-thanksgiving with the girls Margo and Tanisha. We had a lot of fun, we laughed until we cried, talked about love and the one's we love, heartache and heartbreak. In the end the three of us are still strong, black women raising our kids alone and surviving in this world. All we really want is that one person to love , honor and cherish us the same way that we love them. It was our waiting to exhale moment. I will miss the holidays with the girls but I can always come back to visit and even send for her to visit me. One of our girls is already in Detroit so that would be fun to bring Margo and Tanisha up to visit.

                                                                    Margo and Tanisha
Well now for a update on me. I was told a earlier this year or last year a something that was really confusing to me. My girl Theresa Booker is like a big sister to me said "Boo you are looking for love but I believe what you are looking for has been in your life the whole time". I started looking at everyone in my life and I was not seeing it. I was still entertaining conversation with my ex but in my heart I knew that was never going to happen again for me. He was safe for me because I knew he was never coming to Houston. He was someone to talk to that I felt love me but the verdict on the whole love thing will remain a hung jury. I look at the man that has been in my life since I was 13 but I knew it wasn't him either because if being with him was right and what I wanted to do I have had 30 years. Well I recently found out who it was and she was right. He had been in my life the whole time and was the last person I expected. It has been scary making the adjustment but I trust and respect him a lot. He is a real stand up kind of guy . It was funny because the one I met on blackpeoplemeet came to visit and he was definitely not the one and when the person in my life reveal himself I had just told him how important chemistry was to me when I meet people and how there was no chemistry with that guy. When he revealed himself to me , that chemistry was there and we could only laugh about my statement. I am happy and everyday is new for me now. I go thru my periods of missing him a lot because he is not here but we will be together soon in the same place. We are learning each other on a different level now which is scary because he knows all my secrets!

Oh! the new team lead turned out to be great and I would do anything to help her succeed. I have started my job hunt for Detroit and I don't feel I will have a problem at all. I think I have also narrow down an apartment also that is not far from my sister and cousins. Being 43 has been a interested year for me with a lot of revelations and surprises, a lot of ups and downs. My business is doing great and still maintaining a great reputation in the music industry. I hope to blog again before my birthday but if not good bye 43 and hello 44!

                                                                    My 43rd Birthday

                                                                      New Year's Eve 2010

                                                                            Jan 2011

                                                                            March 2011

                                                                      May 2011 (foot surgery)

                                                                      June 2011

                                                                  June 23rd started the HCG diet

                                                                          July 2011

                                                                     End of July 2011

                                                                    First of August 2011

                                                                             Middle of August 2011

                                                                     End of August 2011

                                                                          In Detroit End of August 2011

                                                                         Sept 2011

                                                                         October 2011- Lost 35 pounds

                                                                         November 2011

                                               Me and my baby boy! End of November