He use to be my priority in life. Everything in my world would stop for him when he needed me. He was the first voice I wanted to hear in the morning and I had to go to sleep to his voice at night. He was my drug that cured all my pain. If I felt he needed my last dollar I would give it to him and go without as long as I knew he was going to be okay. If I did not hear from him in a few hours after talking to him, I would worry that something had happen to him. At one point, I gave up everything just to be near him and have him in my life. He was my truth and my life. I trusted him, loved him and adored him and the thought of him not being in my life ripped my world apart. It took me alot for me to realize after I found out that everything was a lie that things could not be fixed. I wanted to fix it , I wanted to fix him, I wanted to fix our relationship but how can you fix something that is shattered into so many pieces. I have no trust in him and I can not believe anything that he says anymore. I have cried so much that now when I cry it is because I miss what I had with him. I have the memories and the laughter that we had but memories soon fade away. I have noticed that his life is not my priority anymore. His needs are not my concern anymore. His happiness is not my goal in life anymore. I don't feel his pain anymore and it does not bother me not to talk to him anymore. The one thing that I had not been able to do because of the hold he had on my heart and mind , I was able to do a couple of weeks ago and had no regrets in doing it. It takes awhile to get over someone that you loved so deeply and I have learned that rushing from one relationship to another is not the answer. I was told that the best way to get over one man is under another and that is not true for me. I have to take the time and let that person get out of my system. My two biggest heartbreaks have taken time to work thru but I am okay now. No one understood that I would have given anything to fix it but you can not fix something that does not have a desire to be fixed. I use to think it was me that caused me to keep ending up in the same place but the only responsiblity I can take is loving them too much and trying to show ppl how to give and receive love that have never experienced it.
I feel that God has my mate out there and one day he will find me. I will know that he is the one because he will persistent,bold in his pursuit, and his love will be calming, trusting, honest and real in my life. He will fit in me and my kids life life a missing puzzle piece. It will not hard but easy and relaxing with no drama or stress. He will not try to control me or abuse me.He will not use me to make his life better financially. He will love, respect and cherish me. He will understand that we need to cherish every moment like it is our last. Until then I will enjoy my career and family and give all my time to them. As far as my ex, I care and a part will always love him and not hate him and I remember that part of our relationship that was flawless!
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