My Weight Loss battle! HCG pt 1

Well I have started back on my HCG Diet. I have had a weight problem my whole life and for the last two months I have been checking on weight loss surgery. My insurance told be they would pay 100% but my kids are so against it. I got sick in 2000 after going on a 6 month medically supervised liquid diet. I went from 214 to 160 in 6 month but I ended up with gallstones. When the doctors were checking to make sure it was okay to remove my gallbladder , a gallstone rip thru my pancreas and I ended up with severe pancreatitis and given 3 weeks to live and died twice. I also had 8 surgeries in a month. So my kids do not agree with any surgery. This first video you will see my battle with weight. I will lose and gain. During this video it spans from 1996-2011. In 2011 , I found HCG and I believe in it 100%. I went thru divorce and two bad relationships and by the end of the video I was in new situation and happy. This is my weight loss journey

Back to Dieting again!

Well it is that time again for me to start back to my dieting. I have reached my high again of 207 and that is not where I am comfortable. I was talking to my girl in Stockton the other day and we had this long conversation because she has known me since I was in my early 20's . She was telling me that I have always had a complex about my weight and I need to stop and learn to love me at any size. I have always loved me and will always love me but I also know at what size I feel comfortable. It is about what size a guy feels I should be because I have learn there is a man that will love you at any size. I am thinking about weight loss surgery but I am back on my HCG for now and I started it on Saturday. I had to eat everything in sight on Saturday and Sunday and gain a pound and a half but I am back on track now. I am at 204.4 this morning. I have got everything I need to prepare my meals and it is easier because I just have to worry about me this time. Me, Sakyi, Diana are doing the new lifestyle thing now. My goal is 150.

Work is awesome and loving everyday. It is different being the boss in the IT world again. My team is awesome and my managers are great. Going to do a site visit in May in Kansas and Oklahoma.

Well me a girl in Baton Rouge have some deep conversations. The new one this week is Money a condition for someone loving you. My answer is money as nothing to do with love. You can love someone and be broke. Just because someone can not buy you things and give you money does not mean they do not love you. It means they can not afford to help you financially and you should respect that and not expect it.

I may be going to visit Monroe for the 4th of July to go to my friends' family reunion and see my brother. I am not sure yet but I am thinking about it. I haven't seen my brother since 2012 and my friend since 2011.

School is great but a lot of time I have to put into it. I have a 3.0 g.p.a . I am learning a lot and it is helping with work and my company.

I moved into my 2 bedroom on Feb 11th and I love it. I also got TJ a car. It isn't new but he loves it.

I got to see Sakyi also I sent for her to come visit me for a couple of days and it was a good feeling to see my daughter. I haven't seen TJ since September and can not wait for him to come home in May

As far as love let's say that it is a subject that I don't express. It is called a invisible force field. Anyone that is close to me will understand the the statement

See ya! later!!! Peace

Emotions all over the place

This was a untitled unpublished post from 5/2014

I have been divorced since 2005 and I had a couple of relationships since then but none of them like my marriage. I was married for 15 years and everyday I was married i know without a doubt my husband loved me even when I filed for a divorce. I knew I came first in his life and everyone that knew him also knew this fact. I have not had this since then and sometimes I miss it. Sometimes I even miss somethings about the relationship I had after marriage. He did a lot of things for me that made me feel special. Since I came into the music industry I have not been able to have a open public relationship and sometimes that is hard. I woke up and realized that I have lived alone since I put my ex-boyfriend out Nov 5th 2005. My life is busy and I don't have alot of free time but to be honest I guess I don't know what I want anymore. I think the hardest part for me now is to know that  I have feelings that never express anymore. One day I will be able to express how I feel and one day I will be able to scream it from the top of the tallest building and post it for the whole world to see.  For now I focus on me and doing the things to make myself a better me!

Love Lessons Learned

I was talking to my best friend and she has come to the conclusion that I have it bad. She has been knowing me since I was 17 and she said she has only seem me this way twice. I have to admit it that for years I have wanted so bad to feel the way I do today. My divorce was final in 2005 and I have tried a couple of relationships since then one of them I taught would end in marriage but I am so glad that  I didnt make that mistake. I did the marriage thing for 15 years before and I ended it because I still was not in love with him the way he loved me and I did not feel myself growing personally. I have always said that I desire to get remarried. I had people to tell me at our age we shouldn't get remarried just have a life companion. It is something about the unity of marriage that I want in my life. I know it is only a piece of paper but to God it is so much more. If you have follow my blogs then you know that I was in love a few years back and it took me a long time to let go and move on with my life. After I let go , I wanted love but was afraid of letting someone new get to know me. I had a list of things I didn't want in a man. I didn't realize that I had been emotionally and mentally attached to someone else for awhile. I didn''t realize that until he gave me the silent treatment and I did not talk to him in over a week. I felt my whole world had been taking away from me. Then I tried to run from it and I have always been good at that one, I run if I think I will get hurt or have problems that I can not deal with. When I try to run now he always plants my feet back on solid ground and I am okay. I have tried to run but he is always in the middle street answering where am i going. I love him and I will admit it. I want to spend the rest of my life with him..

Everything New in Detroit!

Living In Detroit

Moving to Detroit has been quite an experience for me. This is the first time since 1996 that I have ever lived this close to so much family. I lived near family when I lived in Los Angeles and that was cool. I put my trust in God on this move and it has not been easy but he has always brought me through. I have meet some great people since I moved here in the Entertainment Industry. I meet a great business partner Anthony E Thompson II. He came in to help me with Branding my company and we have become great friends as well. He assisted me in creating my management company and I also setup my radio station. Everything that I do does not replace the emptiness of my kids not being with me on the daily basis but I try to stay busy. I love my careers. Yes, I said careers because I have two of them. In the day , I am Bonita the Lan Administrator for a large energy company and by night I am Adorable P, CEO of Sniper Squad DJs, CEO of Sniper Squad Management and Program Director of Sniper Squad Radio. This two careers I do for the love and passion. I can actually say that I love my jobs and the work I do. I love meeting new people and both careers give me that option.

My goals for this year I have reached 96% of them and it is time to set the bar for next year. I now manage Komatoze, Rev City, Frank Fisher, Greg Davis , Tony Frost and DJ Eclipse. I am looking to sign two girl groups, a production team, a female hip hop artist and a producer before the end of the year. I try to make my decisions based on what I can do for them and not what they can do for me.

Well this is "B Serious", Love , Life and Relationships! The love thing for me ...I will discuss later..

I will update you next week on the new developments in my life and business! Have a great day

Next Scene Please

I am 44 and I finally get to live my life. I have raised my kids and they are both doing good now. My son is away in college playing football and my daughter is now married and living in my hometown. I can finally enjoy doing the things I love doing the most. I have a full-time job in IT, my dj organization which is international and my management company. I love being in the studio with my artist and watching there project come together. I use to love being the one singing and the attention that I got when I was younger but now I have started to write again and it is a good feeling. God has blessed me with so many talents that I try to use all of them. I feel my whole life has been a build up of lessons learned, on the job training, and education and experience that allows me to do what I do. When I read what other ppl say about my personality,my work ethnic and my passion for what I do it makes me feel good. It just makes me work harder.

I woke up this morning feeling a certain way after talking to someone I grew up with yesterday and someone that was close to someone I was really in love with a few years back. I realized how much time I have wasted in my life with men that never deserved my love. The one thing I can say is that the man I married in 1991 did love me to death, he never cheated on me and I came first in his life. We were just too different ppl and we got married young. I feel the 15 years that I was married saved my life. I feel that I had to leave to fullfill the rest of my life and I couldn't do it as his wife. Everyone since then have never been about me or my best interest but what they could get out of the relationship. It is funny how you make someone a priority in your life,love and cherish them and put years into a relationship to find out they denied being with you the whole time and still denies it after everything you did for them. Talking to my homeboy yesterday was refreshing to talk to someone that watch me grow up and I glad he is here in Detroit.

This love thing is crazy. One day I will figure it out. Until then I will just continue to grind and build my companies and keep what I have and maybe this time it will be differerent.! I am ready for the next scene in my life. It is September now and back in June I realized and had to face that I was running from love. Me and my son's father realized that our son will always be apart of us but our lives are too different and we are not those 20 year olds anymore. We decided that friendship was good for us but not a relationship. That was not where my heart was and that I was running from something I did not want to face.. I was forced to face it  in June and the road has not been easy. I can not lie I am afraid and I don't want to waste more years of my life wanting happiness and love. I want to get remarried and I want to share my success and life with a man that truly loves me.

Unbelievable changes in 2012

This post was a unpublished post from 2012

I decided my themes for 2012 is that everything is possible, not to do anything that does not make me happy, love someone that truly loves me return, embrace my family and friends, and take my company to the next level. When you pray for something for some long you have to believe that God will deliver.

I reunited with a old college friend and decided to give relationship a try and it was good but something unexpected happened to end the relationship but not the friendship.My daughter also got married and moved back to Monroe.

My son signed his letter of intent for football with University of Saint Mary in Leavensworth , KS. He is following in my footsteps and majoring in Computer Information Systems. My godsons also signed on signing day and will go to Lincoln University and SMU

 I have look for my son's father for 23 years and I thought that I would never find him. I was so in love with him when I left him 1989 but I let the fear of my father come before everything that was important to me at that time. I dropped out of college ran off from the man I was so in love with pregnant  with his child because I thought it was the best thing for all of us but I never told him I was carrying his child. Only a few ppl knew but our friends close to us had an idea. He did find out but it was after I left. I was so worried but my father finding out that hide it from everyone. The end result was not good and  my son Lil Malcolm died at birth. I made it my mission that I would find his father to tell him the truth and let him know what happen and I search for him for 23 years.  I ended up going to one of my bestfriend's wedding  and ran into my son's fathers old roommates and homeboys at the wedding and within me being in Chicago for 24 hours I found him. I also met my first cousin Dee and her family and that was so awesome.

I always dream about what it would be like when I found him, what I would say, how I would explain my actions. I always thought we both would be happily married to other ppl. I would be able to tell him what happen and walk away and go back to my life. That was exactly what I said it was " a dream". My life was turned upside down when I found him but things are now settling down for me now again

I made my move to Detroit the last weekend in April. Everything is right on schedule with the move. I have a good job and moved over last weekend and started work last Monday morning. I left my co-workers and friends back at Exxon for my new job at DTE Energy in Detroit.

I miss my kids a lot and can not wait until the end of the month to go get him.