My first seminar for my weightloss surgery

My emotions are all over the place this morning about going and the surgery. I talk to Stacy, Dimples,Margo and Pat because they have done it before and they have been very supportive. It is the three closest to me and my sisters and brothers that don't  feel I need to do this. I am not doing this to get a man or catch a man or because a man told me I needed to do it. I am doing this because I have been fighting this battle since I was a kid and I finally want a solution that will be permanent. I want a real opportunity to fix this problem. The way I view it is I started with a disadvantage and everytime I try to fix it I run into this thing call setpoint that kicks my butt. Every plan, every diet, every workout gets me to 170 to 178 from my highest 280 to my next highest 220 and then everything stops and no matter what I do I will not start the lost over but i get stuck in the 190's. I am only 5'1. I don't want to be 115 pounds but can i get to a healthy body fat of around 25% . Right now 79 pounds of me is fat. Lets make it 80. I want to lost at least 50 pounds. If i can get to 135 or 140 I feel my blood pressure will be normal, my blood sugar would be under better control and just maybe I won't snore anymore. My clothes might fit better and maybe I will add more years to my life. I understand everyone that is around me fears but they dont wake up tired and they dont deal with my high blood pressure or my diabetes.  All they see is the smile I show the world. My health is my priority this year. I even decided to try the insulin pump. I have fought it for 14 years but i am just trying to finally take the time to take care of myself because my whole life I have been taken care of others.

I wanted someone to go with me today but my sister didnt answer her phone yesterday and he would never go with me so I didnt even ask. So I guess it is me and my God today because he is that kind of friend and he never leaves me alone. 

I have to start somewhere to make a change in my situation.  If you keep doing the same things and let fear keep you in jail and you will stay locked up. I see the keys on the table of my cell. I have to see if one of the fit to unlock the door for me.

Pray with me and for me to allow God to lead my decisons on this process. God has never let me down before.