I am 44 and I finally get to live my life. I have raised my kids and they are both doing good now. My son is away in college playing football and my daughter is now married and living in my hometown. I can finally enjoy doing the things I love doing the most. I have a full-time job in IT, my dj organization which is international and my management company. I love being in the studio with my artist and watching there project come together. I use to love being the one singing and the attention that I got when I was younger but now I have started to write again and it is a good feeling. God has blessed me with so many talents that I try to use all of them. I feel my whole life has been a build up of lessons learned, on the job training, and education and experience that allows me to do what I do. When I read what other ppl say about my personality,my work ethnic and my passion for what I do it makes me feel good. It just makes me work harder.
I woke up this morning feeling a certain way after talking to someone I grew up with yesterday and someone that was close to someone I was really in love with a few years back. I realized how much time I have wasted in my life with men that never deserved my love. The one thing I can say is that the man I married in 1991 did love me to death, he never cheated on me and I came first in his life. We were just too different ppl and we got married young. I feel the 15 years that I was married saved my life. I feel that I had to leave to fullfill the rest of my life and I couldn't do it as his wife. Everyone since then have never been about me or my best interest but what they could get out of the relationship. It is funny how you make someone a priority in your life,love and cherish them and put years into a relationship to find out they denied being with you the whole time and still denies it after everything you did for them. Talking to my homeboy yesterday was refreshing to talk to someone that watch me grow up and I glad he is here in Detroit.
This love thing is crazy. One day I will figure it out. Until then I will just continue to grind and build my companies and keep what I have and maybe this time it will be differerent.! I am ready for the next scene in my life. It is September now and back in June I realized and had to face that I was running from love. Me and my son's father realized that our son will always be apart of us but our lives are too different and we are not those 20 year olds anymore. We decided that friendship was good for us but not a relationship. That was not where my heart was and that I was running from something I did not want to face.. I was forced to face it in June and the road has not been easy. I can not lie I am afraid and I don't want to waste more years of my life wanting happiness and love. I want to get remarried and I want to share my success and life with a man that truly loves me.
