Since 2008 , I have talk to him almost everyday. When no one else knew where I was and what I was doing , he did. When this friendship started, I use to call him someone that was like a brother to me. We spent all day just talking but it was different. He was like I am and we are better expressing ourselves writing, so we text more than we talk. We did the text and talk thing for 5 years before we met face to face.
This guy help me through the worst heartbreak I had in my life. If you have read this blog you know the one I am referring to. He picked up the broken me and he put all the pieces back together and help me become whole again. He didn't do it with an agenda to one day be the man in my world.
Being my friend , he had alot of insight into my life, my pain, my past, my baggage. I was truly a Bag lady. But he had baggage too and we both understood that and that made the friendship stronger. He had been hurt and people made him promises and they didn't keep their word to him.
I fell in love with someone that I had never met face to face. I didn't even realize that it had happened until July 2011. I stopped hearing from him for almost a week. I panic and started checking news sites, police reports, and hospitals because there was no sign on him. He wasn't responding to my messages, he wasn't posting on social media, so I started reaching out to people we talked about to see if they had physically saw him or talked to him because he was 1600 miles away from me. He finally contacted me to let me know he was ok. He was just going through something and needed some space to himself.
It was that July 2011, that I realized how I felt about him. I did meet him August 2011. The friendship that I hide behind was in my world. The feelings I never expressed I had show up front and center the first time he hug me. We both realized that we had built more than a friendship.
Because of our past pain and baggage we have spent since 2011, running to and from each other. We can't seem to let go and trust our hearts with each other. We can't seem to commit to a relationship with a title for that is what it is. So we keep running and ending up back in the same place.
I have hurt him but he doesn't understand that he has hurt me also. We have been in this so long that I dont know how to live without him. He pushes me away and I try to go but how can I go when he is inside of me. He is apart of me.
He will tell me to go find someone that can give me everything I am looking for and I am dumb enough to try it. I end up only involving others into our life for them to tell me no one can have a heart that belongs to him. I am physically with them and I can learn to love them but I can't give them all of me. Jasmine Sullivan song "I'm in Love with another man" always appears.
He owns my heart, he is in me, apart of me and I can't run from it. I am 10 hours away and a new place, a new apartment, a new job and new people but I miss him. He is in me and I can't run. When I moved to Detroit in 2012, I met this artist that I was working with that had this song. The lyrics of the song says "You can't run from love". This made me show up on his porch June 2012. It continues to make me show .
It is funny all the test on Facebook keeps telling me I am already with my soulmate. I believe he is the white suit at the end of my isle.
