The last year many things have happened. I miss my kids but I talk to them everyday. They are both living with their mates now and they are happy so I am happy. TJ is actually engaged now. Sakyi finally gave Ousmane an opportunity and he spends everyday just trying to make her happy.
Well for me and my love life. I have learned many things. I am a runner and have been my whole life. The crazy thing for me is that I have fallen in love with a man and I have tried to pray him away, I moved away, I even tried to replace him . I pray to God for vision and insight and direction and he is still here. We are not always on the same page but who is on the same page 24/7. I know when I am with him , I am calm. I feel safe, I feel loved. It is something about him I can't explain but every since he walked into my life he makes me want to be a better me. We have never gave this a title. But I guess a title would be nice. After January and February, I learned alot about myself and him. I realized that the kinda of love I have always written about that I wanted to feel was in me. I realized that for many years that I listened to others opinions about what they didn't see affect how I was feeling. Everyone does not know him like I do. Everyone does not know how he moves, how he thinks, what is important to him, his goals and aspirations. They don't know everything that makes him that man I am so deeply in love with but I do. He has taught me how to love him. He gave me the blueprint and he is not like other man.He is his own man with his own dreams that does things his own way. He allows me to just be me when I am with him. I don't have to put on bold attitude. I can be honest with him and tell him when I am afraid,sad,hurting and now I actually admit that I even need him sometimes.
I had alot of time to think about my life and what is important to me and for me. For years , I put my career before everything in my life because it meant I could stand on my own two feet. It is something I know I am awesome at and if I put the time and effort into it I will be successful at it. The last 9 years , I had a goal that I set for myself personally. It is wake up and just try to be a better person than I was yesterday. I have started over so many times that I lost count. I had to stand on my own and depend on me alone. I had to learn how to manage my health because I have so many things I haven't experienced yet. I remember in 2011, he ask the question was I ready to give 200%. I was also told never to tell him he was the head of the house and not let him lead.In 2011, I told him all I wanted was to love him, spoil him, cook for him and support him mentally, emotionally and physically. I have kept my promises. I have never made a promise to him that I haven't kept. When I said I was ready and in love with him in 2011, it is 9 years later and now I know without a doubt it isn't lust or infatuation but that I do truly love him and only him. He is the air I breathe, he makes my heartbeat and 9 years later I still get butterflies before he arrives. I had the time to really think about what is important to me and I realized the money makes me live comfortable but it is the way he makes me feel inside that brings me joy.
