Unexplainable

Sometimes the things on our mind is unexplainable.  We think about alot and we feel alot but if you said what was on your mind many people would not understand
There is a invisible force shield around me and it is hard to describe. I see the people on the other side and i hear them screaming at me. I read their words and for me I just dont want to lead anyone on and make them believe they can have something that is not available. I know what I want and I know where I want to be. I close my eyes and I see my future. One day it will all come true and then I will be able to explain why it was explainable. I trust my heart and it can not be wrong.

Unspoken Words

There are so many things that I feel in my heart and think in my head but I can not form the words to come out my mouth. If I could only scream to the top of my lungs until I cant scream anymore. Many people just want to cry but I don't. I smile when I think about what makes me happy. I smile all the time because what is in my head is worth smiling about. I went through a time in my life that I cried a lot and I went through a time that I believed there was no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. I stayed in prayer when I wanted to give up and God answered my prayers and told me to be patient. When my friends thought I should walk away and put my back against the wall. I listened to my heart and just learned to let go and Let God. Everything doesnt happen over night and I just have remind myself some words just have to be unspoken. ..#SOOC

Excitement, Stress and New Adventures

There is a lot going on in my life and I would not change it for the world. I am in my last semester of school for my Management Degree. I have a great job at Centurylink in Management, I am back into Artist Management with my own company Sniper Squad Management and I still have Sniper Squad DJs. I have maintain within 5 pounds my weight loss and getting ready to start again. I fired my diabetic doctor because he was not willing to try new technology methods to help me maintain my blood sugars. I am going to Joslin Diabetic Center starting next month. I attempted to go to my son's football game in Missouri and ended up with two busted tires and bent rims in Galesburg, Illinois. God kept me safe and got me home safe. I got to see my oldest brother for the first time in 4 years and it was a lot of fun. The other things in my life are great and I am happy, Everything is just one day at a time and I can deal with that for now. My kids are doing great and I can't wait to see them. Starting next week I start back on my HCG because I had to give my body a break. I won't miss the carbs. I remember being in Houston living with Jamel and he would listen to all the Houston rappers. It is funny to be now because I am working with those Houston Rappers now on a professional level. My artist Rev City has just signed his label to Lil Flip's label so now I am working with Lil Flip. I am trying to learn how to communicate with him so we make this business side flow easy. I have lost a few new friends at work because they moved out of state. I have also made some new friends. Me and Diana talk more now and she is pretty cool. I do miss my girls and try to call them at least once every 2 to 3 weeks. My team at work is awesome and I love them to death. They work hard and I don't have to babysit them or micromanage them. They make my job so much easier. Well I have to go now. Oh! before I leave. I want to give a shoutout to my Phamlife Muzik family! Rev City, Derek Kelley, Charles Hines, KillerKev, EM the producer and EM the Band...Let's make money !!

Just Feeling Bad Ass Today

Always with a Attitude

But always with a smile

Emotional

Today has been a very emotional day for me. I always have a 10 ft wall around me all the time and never like to show the soft side of me. I went to the movies with my cousin Tujuana to see "If I Stay". It brought back memories about me being sick the I had suppress for so long. I could feel what she was feeling and I remembered hearing my family talking to me while I was in a coma. I remembered trying to fight my way back and not knowing how. I remembered not being able to breath on my own. I remembered replaying my life in my head. Thinking about the birth of my kids, my kids starting school and the promise I made to both of them to always be there for them. I heard the nurses talking about my condition  and how no one expected me to live and when they put meds in the wrong tubes and felt it didn't matter. But I had a male nurse name Chris and I remember how he would come in my room at night and he would just talk to me. When I finally open my eyes, I got to see Chris. I still couldn't talk but he understood me and I never wanted him to leave. I had trust in Chris. That time was the hardest time in my life because everything I took for granted was now a challenge for me. Breathing on my own, talking, walking and feeding myself. I am so afraid and I never want to be in that spot again.

Bonita vs Peaches

I was walking last night and listening to Beyonce's album and I starting laughing because I feel all women should have a alter ego. I like Beyonce have a alter ego called Peaches but she only appears for one person. I think women get it confused and bring out the alter ego for every man they meet and that is not wise. Women are taught to be reserved and never talk about sex and the ones that do talk about ,,well just say get look at a different way. I feel professional woman need to understand that at work we are professional and we are suppose to be professional but when we get home it is about the man in our life rather it is a lover, boyfriend or husband. It is called balancing work and home. We spend time being mom, being a employee, being a boss but some women forget how to be a woman. I had to learn to put my cell phone down and give the person in my life my undivided attention. Women all I will tell you is explore life, love and relationships but be safe and only show that alter ego to one person! Enjoy being a woman just like men enjoy being men! It is a physical part of life and God created us to enjoy it. It has many health benefits and you should research it. You shouldn't share with everyone you meet and everyone you meet doesn't deserve to share in that part of your life. But when you find that person that you do allow your alter ego to reveal themselves believe me life will be awesome and you will always have a smile like I do.

P.S.
Everyone does not have to know who it is but believe me they will notice in your walk, talk and smile that someone knows your alter ego!

Day 36 on HCG Protocol

Hcg day 36: http://youtu.be/oz4pFjrTZBI

Ending Round 1 Phase 2 and down 21 pounds. I lost pounds and inches. Preparing to hit the road for work, transition to phase 3, re branding of Sniper Squad , and TJ and Sakyi coming home.

Been really emotional the last few days and I don't like that and be glad when it passes.

A Apple Day for me on Easter! HCG Diet

I have been stuck at 192.5 for 4 days. My water weight is up. So today I will only eat 6 apples. My inches are still reducing. I haven't had a bowel movement in 4 days either. So after a apple day both things should be okay and tomorrow I should see a lost on the scales. I am ready to start working out. I need something else that I haven't had in 10 days also then I will really be good.. School is almost over and I am taking a break until the fall. I get to travel this summer and enjoy myself and just lose weigh

DAY 27 AND 19 POUNDS DOWN

I had a great weekend in St. Louis. I took all my food with me and I never cheated on my diet. I had some stalls but I am losing inches. I have lost 5.5 inches in my waist and 3 inches from my bust, arms, hips and thighs. I went to plum market and I found Walden Farms salad dressing, it is calorie free, no sugar, no carbs and gassini and I had to get more Braggs Amino to go with my Braggs Apple Cider Vinegar. I precooked food for the week. I did curry chicken, Cajun chicken , lemon chicken and ground beef.

Day 16 HCG Lost More inches

I am excited today! I lost more inches! I love this diet. I had stuff cabbage last night with bake cinnamon apples! Your have to try it ! I will give you the recipe today! I am will be in St. Louis this weekend for DJs United and I can't wait to see my fam! Check it out www.djsunitedconference.com . I will get to see TJ also on Sunday. Time to be me this weekend and do what I do! This is all about me and my djs with Sniper Squad that is who I represent this weekend!



What you will need:

• 2 apples
  
• Cinnamon

Directions:

• Remove apple core. I most likely did this wrong since half of the apple was missing when I removed it but you get the idea.
  
• Thinly slice the entire apple.
  
• Line a cookie sheet with parchment paper and place apple slices on it.
  
• Sprinkle with cinnamon.
  
• Bake at 275 degrees for two hours. At the end of hour one flip them over so they bake evenly.

My White Suit At the End of My Aisle

I meet my white suit at the end of my aisle in September 2006. I didn’t know that is who he was at the time. We became friends and he became a friend that became my rock and my comforter. He was there for me through the death of my mom and through the roughest breakup of my life. He understood me and never once did he tell me he wanted to be the white suit for me. Through my journey there were many detours and closed roads and people giving me the wrong directions and I kept getting lost. One weekend I took a trip and I walk out a house when I walk outside I look into the face of my white suit at the end of my aisle. From the first hug and the first time in his arms I knew he was my white suit at the end of my isle. That weekend changed the direction of my whole life. Every moment after that weekend made sense to me and I was finally happy and whole. I had found my missing puzzle piece to my life. I found the man that was missing me from his rib. I start on my journey to my white suit and on my way instead of trusting my GPS , I decided to ask people for directions on the side of the highway. My white suit at the end of my isle gave me the directions and he told me to write them down and remember them but I misplaced the paper I wrote them on. The people that gave me directions got me lost and my white suit believed I wasn’t going to show up and got angry because I didn’t go by the directions I was given. When I found the directions again after getting lost and I made it to my destination my white suit was there but now there was closed doors, detours, closed roads and the doors open sometimes and he lets me in and sometimes the highway opens and it looks like we have the same address to get there but my white suit at the end of my aisle GPS starts to tell him Re-Calculating , take the next legal U-turn. When he is coming in the right direction then his road say detour and it takes him in a different direction. I still have the same address but I had to learn to slow down and wait for my white suit to make it mile marker that I am waiting at for him. One day we will be on the same road heading back to the same address and I will be with my white suit at the end of my aisle for the rest of my life. I love him with all my heart without him in my life it is hard for me to breathe. I miss him when I don’t talk to him and if I go a week without seeing him my week seems likes it gets longer. Every time he touches me I know without a doubt he is my white suit at the end of my aisle. I want to tell scream to the whole world that I love him so much and I never want to live another second of my life without him but for him it is not time yet because he is now on the back roads and trying to navigate through this thing called life without his GPS and find his destination. He wants to do it without my help and find his own way and I have to respect that because he has to show up in the white suit at the end of aisle when he finds his way and not because that is where I want him to be.

Day 13 lost inches on HCG

Today is my Uncle Major's funeral. He was 93 and lived a long life. Today will be hard because he and my father was so close and all the memories of him and my father and my Uncle Harrison and Uncle Willie came flowing thru my mind. I sat there and relived my parents funerals again, my grandfather and tears did roll. I knew on the diet side it would be a hard day because repast always has good food and I knew I could not eat any of it. I woke up weighing 200.2 but I took my own food with me and I stay on course. I woke the on Sunday doing great at 197.5. I am determine not to stop until I am healthy the way I feel I should be. I am not doing it for everybody but myself this time. I am loved just the way I am but I know I am not healthy and I have to fix it for myself. Going to funerals just make you think of all the things you want to live to see before you die so I want to play my part and do the things I need to do to stay around to see my grandkids and both of my kids married with families.

Day 12 down 10.9 pounds on the HCG Diet

 I fixed the problems and tried something new. I didn't have the chocolate delight or the sugar-free Popsicle . I did not have the non-diary creamer and I had green day 64 oz of it at work. So I have to stay on track. I am trying to be down by 20 pounds when I  go to St. Louis for the DJs United Conference in St. Louis next weekend. I have to take a lot of pictures at these conferences and I don't want to look like I did last year when I see the pictures and videos and next year I will look like a completely different person. My son will not be able to go to the conference with me but I still get to see him Sunday. I have to order the flyers and business cards for next week and I know I am cutting it close. I also have to get all my homework done early. My uncle passed on last Friday and the funeral is tomorrow. My sister Mary is here but my brothers Rudy and Tim can't come and my sister Denny can't come. I miss all of them and have not seen all of them at one time since Mom's funeral in 2010. We plan to get together next year in San Jose.

Day 11 Hcg Diet ! I gained weight up to 200.1

I found out that I could not have non-diary creamer in my coffee. I also started drinking green tea all day. I went to grocery store I got some oranges,grapefruit, red and green apples, chicken breast, ground beef, red bell pepper, orange bell pepper and green bell pepper and real onions, celery, more lettuce and mushrooms. I bought broccoli and cauliflower but I can't have them until Phrase 3. I was watching a video on YouTube on storing raw fruits and vegetables and it was talking about the plastic tubs that the organic lettuce comes in and I had two of them so I am going to open my dole lettuce and put it in them to see if it will last. I marinade some steak the other day and I so this recipe on YouTube on how to make it look like alot of protein by cutting thin strips and cutting it that way and it works!!

Day 10 Hcg Diet Lose 10.3 Pounds

Hey There, this is day 10 for me and I have lost 10.3 pounds. It should have been 11.3 but yesterday I did not drink enough water and I tried to add Chocolate Delight to my diet. Yesterday was the first day I tried Talipia on this diet. I have been doing chicken, shrimp, crab, lobster and beef. The day before I did walk around the complex but I did not do exercise because we are not suppose to exercise in Phase 2. I watch many youtube videos yesterday on Phase 2 recipes, chocolate delight, coconut oil and apple cider vinegar benefits. I have some meetings today but I decided to rename my blog www.adorablep.com today. This blog had been a hidden blog but I am ready to make it public. Maybe my experiences can help someone else.

Have a great day! I have to finish my gallon of water today..

My Weight Loss battle! HCG phrase 2

This video covers 2011-2014. In this video you will see my battle continue with my weight loss. I moved from Houston to Detroit. I am adjusting to a new place, new job, living alone, a new situation, moving my DJ company, adjusting to living around my family and the horrible winters. I go from 167 back up to 209. It has been stressful adjusting but I am finally stable. I am working full-time in Management with three regions of my own, in school full-time , running Sniper Squad and in a situation that works great for me with a guy I am very much in love with that is awesome. I have started back on HCG and started at 209 last Saturday and it is going good

My Weight Loss battle! HCG pt 1

Well I have started back on my HCG Diet. I have had a weight problem my whole life and for the last two months I have been checking on weight loss surgery. My insurance told be they would pay 100% but my kids are so against it. I got sick in 2000 after going on a 6 month medically supervised liquid diet. I went from 214 to 160 in 6 month but I ended up with gallstones. When the doctors were checking to make sure it was okay to remove my gallbladder , a gallstone rip thru my pancreas and I ended up with severe pancreatitis and given 3 weeks to live and died twice. I also had 8 surgeries in a month. So my kids do not agree with any surgery. This first video you will see my battle with weight. I will lose and gain. During this video it spans from 1996-2011. In 2011 , I found HCG and I believe in it 100%. I went thru divorce and two bad relationships and by the end of the video I was in new situation and happy. This is my weight loss journey

Back to Dieting again!

Well it is that time again for me to start back to my dieting. I have reached my high again of 207 and that is not where I am comfortable. I was talking to my girl in Stockton the other day and we had this long conversation because she has known me since I was in my early 20's . She was telling me that I have always had a complex about my weight and I need to stop and learn to love me at any size. I have always loved me and will always love me but I also know at what size I feel comfortable. It is about what size a guy feels I should be because I have learn there is a man that will love you at any size. I am thinking about weight loss surgery but I am back on my HCG for now and I started it on Saturday. I had to eat everything in sight on Saturday and Sunday and gain a pound and a half but I am back on track now. I am at 204.4 this morning. I have got everything I need to prepare my meals and it is easier because I just have to worry about me this time. Me, Sakyi, Diana are doing the new lifestyle thing now. My goal is 150.

Work is awesome and loving everyday. It is different being the boss in the IT world again. My team is awesome and my managers are great. Going to do a site visit in May in Kansas and Oklahoma.

Well me a girl in Baton Rouge have some deep conversations. The new one this week is Money a condition for someone loving you. My answer is money as nothing to do with love. You can love someone and be broke. Just because someone can not buy you things and give you money does not mean they do not love you. It means they can not afford to help you financially and you should respect that and not expect it.

I may be going to visit Monroe for the 4th of July to go to my friends' family reunion and see my brother. I am not sure yet but I am thinking about it. I haven't seen my brother since 2012 and my friend since 2011.

School is great but a lot of time I have to put into it. I have a 3.0 g.p.a . I am learning a lot and it is helping with work and my company.

I moved into my 2 bedroom on Feb 11th and I love it. I also got TJ a car. It isn't new but he loves it.

I got to see Sakyi also I sent for her to come visit me for a couple of days and it was a good feeling to see my daughter. I haven't seen TJ since September and can not wait for him to come home in May

As far as love let's say that it is a subject that I don't express. It is called a invisible force field. Anyone that is close to me will understand the the statement

See ya! later!!! Peace

Emotions all over the place

This was a untitled unpublished post from 5/2014

I have been divorced since 2005 and I had a couple of relationships since then but none of them like my marriage. I was married for 15 years and everyday I was married i know without a doubt my husband loved me even when I filed for a divorce. I knew I came first in his life and everyone that knew him also knew this fact. I have not had this since then and sometimes I miss it. Sometimes I even miss somethings about the relationship I had after marriage. He did a lot of things for me that made me feel special. Since I came into the music industry I have not been able to have a open public relationship and sometimes that is hard. I woke up and realized that I have lived alone since I put my ex-boyfriend out Nov 5th 2005. My life is busy and I don't have alot of free time but to be honest I guess I don't know what I want anymore. I think the hardest part for me now is to know that  I have feelings that never express anymore. One day I will be able to express how I feel and one day I will be able to scream it from the top of the tallest building and post it for the whole world to see.  For now I focus on me and doing the things to make myself a better me!