I was talking to my best friend and she has come to the conclusion that I have it bad. She has been knowing me since I was 17 and she said she has only seem me this way twice. I have to admit it that for years I have wanted so bad to feel the way I do today. My divorce was final in 2005 and I have tried a couple of relationships since then one of them I taught would end in marriage but I am so glad that I didnt make that mistake. I did the marriage thing for 15 years before and I ended it because I still was not in love with him the way he loved me and I did not feel myself growing personally. I have always said that I desire to get remarried. I had people to tell me at our age we shouldn't get remarried just have a life companion. It is something about the unity of marriage that I want in my life. I know it is only a piece of paper but to God it is so much more. If you have follow my blogs then you know that I was in love a few years back and it took me a long time to let go and move on with my life. After I let go , I wanted love but was afraid of letting someone new get to know me. I had a list of things I didn't want in a man. I didn't realize that I had been emotionally and mentally attached to someone else for awhile. I didn''t realize that until he gave me the silent treatment and I did not talk to him in over a week. I felt my whole world had been taking away from me. Then I tried to run from it and I have always been good at that one, I run if I think I will get hurt or have problems that I can not deal with. When I try to run now he always plants my feet back on solid ground and I am okay. I have tried to run but he is always in the middle street answering where am i going. I love him and I will admit it. I want to spend the rest of my life with him..
Friday, November 23, 2012
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
Everything New in Detroit!
Living In Detroit
Moving to Detroit has been quite an experience for me. This is the first time since 1996 that I have ever lived this close to so much family. I lived near family when I lived in Los Angeles and that was cool. I put my trust in God on this move and it has not been easy but he has always brought me through. I have meet some great people since I moved here in the Entertainment Industry. I meet a great business partner Anthony E Thompson II. He came in to help me with Branding my company and we have become great friends as well. He assisted me in creating my management company and I also setup my radio station. Everything that I do does not replace the emptiness of my kids not being with me on the daily basis but I try to stay busy. I love my careers. Yes, I said careers because I have two of them. In the day , I am Bonita the Lan Administrator for a large energy company and by night I am Adorable P, CEO of Sniper Squad DJs, CEO of Sniper Squad Management and Program Director of Sniper Squad Radio. This two careers I do for the love and passion. I can actually say that I love my jobs and the work I do. I love meeting new people and both careers give me that option.
My goals for this year I have reached 96% of them and it is time to set the bar for next year. I now manage Komatoze, Rev City, Frank Fisher, Greg Davis , Tony Frost and DJ Eclipse. I am looking to sign two girl groups, a production team, a female hip hop artist and a producer before the end of the year. I try to make my decisions based on what I can do for them and not what they can do for me.
Well this is "B Serious", Love , Life and Relationships! The love thing for me ...I will discuss later..
I will update you next week on the new developments in my life and business! Have a great day
Sunday, September 23, 2012
Next Scene Please
I am 44 and I finally get to live my life. I have raised my kids and they are both doing good now. My son is away in college playing football and my daughter is now married and living in my hometown. I can finally enjoy doing the things I love doing the most. I have a full-time job in IT, my dj organization which is international and my management company. I love being in the studio with my artist and watching there project come together. I use to love being the one singing and the attention that I got when I was younger but now I have started to write again and it is a good feeling. God has blessed me with so many talents that I try to use all of them. I feel my whole life has been a build up of lessons learned, on the job training, and education and experience that allows me to do what I do. When I read what other ppl say about my personality,my work ethnic and my passion for what I do it makes me feel good. It just makes me work harder.
I woke up this morning feeling a certain way after talking to someone I grew up with yesterday and someone that was close to someone I was really in love with a few years back. I realized how much time I have wasted in my life with men that never deserved my love. The one thing I can say is that the man I married in 1991 did love me to death, he never cheated on me and I came first in his life. We were just too different ppl and we got married young. I feel the 15 years that I was married saved my life. I feel that I had to leave to fullfill the rest of my life and I couldn't do it as his wife. Everyone since then have never been about me or my best interest but what they could get out of the relationship. It is funny how you make someone a priority in your life,love and cherish them and put years into a relationship to find out they denied being with you the whole time and still denies it after everything you did for them. Talking to my homeboy yesterday was refreshing to talk to someone that watch me grow up and I glad he is here in Detroit.
This love thing is crazy. One day I will figure it out. Until then I will just continue to grind and build my companies and keep what I have and maybe this time it will be differerent.! I am ready for the next scene in my life. It is September now and back in June I realized and had to face that I was running from love. Me and my son's father realized that our son will always be apart of us but our lives are too different and we are not those 20 year olds anymore. We decided that friendship was good for us but not a relationship. That was not where my heart was and that I was running from something I did not want to face.. I was forced to face it in June and the road has not been easy. I can not lie I am afraid and I don't want to waste more years of my life wanting happiness and love. I want to get remarried and I want to share my success and life with a man that truly loves me.
Monday, May 7, 2012
Unbelievable changes in 2012
This post was a unpublished post from 2012
I decided my themes for 2012 is that everything is possible, not to do anything that does not make me happy, love someone that truly loves me return, embrace my family and friends, and take my company to the next level. When you pray for something for some long you have to believe that God will deliver.
I reunited with a old college friend and decided to give relationship a try and it was good but something unexpected happened to end the relationship but not the friendship.My daughter also got married and moved back to Monroe.
My son signed his letter of intent for football with University of Saint Mary in Leavensworth , KS. He is following in my footsteps and majoring in Computer Information Systems. My godsons also signed on signing day and will go to Lincoln University and SMU
I have look for my son's father for 23 years and I thought that I would never find him. I was so in love with him when I left him 1989 but I let the fear of my father come before everything that was important to me at that time. I dropped out of college ran off from the man I was so in love with pregnant with his child because I thought it was the best thing for all of us but I never told him I was carrying his child. Only a few ppl knew but our friends close to us had an idea. He did find out but it was after I left. I was so worried but my father finding out that hide it from everyone. The end result was not good and my son Lil Malcolm died at birth. I made it my mission that I would find his father to tell him the truth and let him know what happen and I search for him for 23 years. I ended up going to one of my bestfriend's wedding and ran into my son's fathers old roommates and homeboys at the wedding and within me being in Chicago for 24 hours I found him. I also met my first cousin Dee and her family and that was so awesome.
I always dream about what it would be like when I found him, what I would say, how I would explain my actions. I always thought we both would be happily married to other ppl. I would be able to tell him what happen and walk away and go back to my life. That was exactly what I said it was " a dream". My life was turned upside down when I found him but things are now settling down for me now again
I made my move to Detroit the last weekend in April. Everything is right on schedule with the move. I have a good job and moved over last weekend and started work last Monday morning. I left my co-workers and friends back at Exxon for my new job at DTE Energy in Detroit.
I miss my kids a lot and can not wait until the end of the month to go get him.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
I thought they were my feelings
Monday, December 12, 2011
Many different feelings
I turned 44 last week and it feels good. I like where I am in life but I am looking forward to my life after TJ graduates. Everyday is something new with the boys but it is a challenge for me. I was always told that you appreciate things more when you do it yourself. I guess it is true. I am glad that I am teaching the boys about managing and sacrificing. I have a lot on my shoulders and sometimes I do just cry when I am alone. I don't like to show the kids especially the boys when I am having a bad day. I can get us through this and when it is all over the bond between us will be even stronger. If I give them all of me that will understand how to give all of themselves to a woman in there life when they in a serious relationship. I tried to teach them about the choices they make in life and how to handle unfair situations in their life. Failure is not a option and I only can teach them from my experiences. I am not a man and I can't teach them to be a man but I can teach them the listens my father thought me. I take the good from the men around me and that is what I teach them. The recruiting process is overwhelming but thanks to ppl close to me and the website I paid for I am learning a lot. Education about things you don't know goes a long way.
My personal life is another story. There is someone in my life that I respect and love a lot but I must admit that being in two different states is hard. I get lonely and I want to just be under him but it is not possible right now. I realize how much I miss having a day to day relationship with someone special in my life. I get conversation everyday but I can not wait until I can wake up and cook him breakfast in bed, cuddle all day, hang out and go to events, just enjoy each other all day everyday. It has been a adjustment for me to be back in a relationship but the real adjustment will happen being in the same city. I am good with it now because I am not dealing with any baggage from my past. I have given myself time to heal and it is a good feeling.
Friday, November 25, 2011
A New Direction ! From California to Michigan
Living in Jersey with a Michigan Hoodie!
It has been awhile since I blogged and a lot has happen since my trip to Detroit. I found out some important things on that trip that changed the course of my life. I was with my Aunt and Cousins for the first time without my parents around but every house that I went to had my parents presents. I saw my great uncle and older cousins that were my babysitters when I growing up and all my younger cousins that I use to babysit when they came down south. I realized how much I miss living around my family. I took a lot of pictures, look at a lot of old pictures and just enjoyed my family being around me. The only other time that I have had a lot of my family around was when I lived in LA. Most of my cousins around my age have left LA because of how expensive it is to live there. My plan was to move back to LA in the summer after TJ graduated and just do me and run my company. After my trip to Detroit, I decided on a new destination. I finally got a chance to meet my best friend face to face after five years of daily conversations. He has help me thru a lot in the past 3 1/2 years. I got to go sight seeing and around Detroit but the one place I didn't want to go was to my grandparents old neighborhood. I didn't see Trey this time but with the move I know I will see him a lot. Trey has been around since 2002 and he is not going anywhere.
Football season for T.J was exciting this year with him being on varsity. Every week was a roller coaster in my house with the boys. Yes, I said boys. Dontrell is still with me and has really became like part of my family. I think if his mom ever said he had to leave I would be sad. They started off slow with some major losses but ended up going to the playoffs. I found this website that help me get T.J look at by major colleges for a football scholarships. He has been giving a scholarship to go to college in Kansas and he also has a opportunity the Reg open for him in Missouri. I hope to keep him and Dontrell together for school so they will have each other. T.J was nominated for homecoming court and I believe he did win but after a black female won homecoming queen it was no way that the school was going to let it go down in history like that but he was good with it. It was amazing to see how much my son is like me. He is a leader like mom and not a follower. He has my personality and I fun to just sit back and watch him in action. I feel I have done a great job in raising him not because I say so but because that is the feedback I get from everyone that comes in contact with him and they tell me I that I have done a good job. I feel my parents especially my dad had a lot to do with it because he was my role model of what a man is suppose to be like and that is what I thought my son. So right now it is between University of Saint Mary's and Lincoln University in Missouri for school. We still have the second half of his senior year to go but the first half was so exciting for both of us. Albert came back to the states and he was also here to support T.J and Dontrell at the games with me.
Now for Sakyi. She had scheduled her wedding for October and I was upset because I always dream that she would have a real wedding. I have realized that it is not the wedding that is in important but the marriage. I am excited that she has found someone that loves her as much as she loves him and they work things out together. They are not married yet but they live life like they are just in two different houses. She found the diet and fell in love with it and lost over 60 pounds. I am excited about that because I was concerned about her weight and her health. She has learned to eat better and workout now so I am so happy about that now to get her back in school.
I celebrated my last pre-thanksgiving with the girls Margo and Tanisha. We had a lot of fun, we laughed until we cried, talked about love and the one's we love, heartache and heartbreak. In the end the three of us are still strong, black women raising our kids alone and surviving in this world. All we really want is that one person to love , honor and cherish us the same way that we love them. It was our waiting to exhale moment. I will miss the holidays with the girls but I can always come back to visit and even send for her to visit me. One of our girls is already in Detroit so that would be fun to bring Margo and Tanisha up to visit.
Well now for a update on me. I was told a earlier this year or last year a something that was really confusing to me. My girl Theresa Booker is like a big sister to me said "Boo you are looking for love but I believe what you are looking for has been in your life the whole time". I started looking at everyone in my life and I was not seeing it. I was still entertaining conversation with my ex but in my heart I knew that was never going to happen again for me. He was safe for me because I knew he was never coming to Houston. He was someone to talk to that I felt love me but the verdict on the whole love thing will remain a hung jury. I look at the man that has been in my life since I was 13 but I knew it wasn't him either because if being with him was right and what I wanted to do I have had 30 years. Well I recently found out who it was and she was right. He had been in my life the whole time and was the last person I expected. It has been scary making the adjustment but I trust and respect him a lot. He is a real stand up kind of guy . It was funny because the one I met on blackpeoplemeet came to visit and he was definitely not the one and when the person in my life reveal himself I had just told him how important chemistry was to me when I meet people and how there was no chemistry with that guy. When he revealed himself to me , that chemistry was there and we could only laugh about my statement. I am happy and everyday is new for me now. I go thru my periods of missing him a lot because he is not here but we will be together soon in the same place. We are learning each other on a different level now which is scary because he knows all my secrets!
Oh! the new team lead turned out to be great and I would do anything to help her succeed. I have started my job hunt for Detroit and I don't feel I will have a problem at all. I think I have also narrow down an apartment also that is not far from my sister and cousins. Being 43 has been a interested year for me with a lot of revelations and surprises, a lot of ups and downs. My business is doing great and still maintaining a great reputation in the music industry. I hope to blog again before my birthday but if not good bye 43 and hello 44!
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