Changes in my life

Next month I will be 42 years old. I can say that I have grown a lot this year mentally and emotionally. I have questioned love on more than one occasion. The funny thing is that real love is hard to shake and walk away from sometimes. I had a year to myself even though I was in a relationship. I realized what I need and want from someone in my life. I realized that I can not accept less because if I do I will keep getting less.

People ask the question , how can you be lonely when you talk to people around the world on a daily basis and you have your kids and everyone Else's kids with you. This is the hard and difficult part of life for me. I have men in my life that do love me unconditionally from my past that for one reason or another our relationship ended but we remain friends but this is not good enough for me. This may sound bad for women who have never experience love from someone else before but I want more in my life. I can not and will not commit to anyone else if everything in me does not tell me it is right. I did that and it did not work out for me. I guess when I feel it is right and all the pieces fall into place then I will open up and take the next step. I know there is no such thing as a perfect relationship or a perfect man in life but I do believe in soul mates. I want to be loved but I want to be able to give him love back the way he loves me. I want him to put me and my happiness first. I want him to be honest, trustworthy and loyal to me. I do not want another liar or cheater in my life. I don't want another man in my life that I have to take care of or puts me in the position to run our household because he does not know how to be a real man. I want to be able to trust the fact that will be a leader and I can trust his judgement about things in our life. I want to know that he will love my kids like his own. I want know if I get sick he will stay by my side and not be afraid or run away. I want a companion, a friend, lover, and a soul mate to spend the rest of my life with because tomorrow is not promise. I feel that God has been working in my life to prepare me for the man he will send me.

I still believe in fairy tales and that is a Prince Charming for every woman. I know everyone only knows the business woman side of me but there is a soft side of me that plays the role of Mom for my kids and that can be the loving wife or girlfriend for the right man. I have given my all in my last three relationships and they all ended on a bad note. My marriage of 15 years , he will not hold a conversation with me and one of the others cross the line so bad I never want to talk or see him again. The last one has been hard because of the lies and betrayal but I have not given up on love.

Adorable P